A Letter to my son

I tried my best to raise you right. When things went left, we all had to fight.

I wasn’t the best. I wasn’t the worst. When you to prison, I saw a spiritual hearse.

My son went in, Another nigga came out… Trying to live a life, he knew nothing about.

I love my son, until the end of time…. But da nigga pretending; dat boy ain’t mine.

I nearly gave my life, that April 10th night. But death I would give, as a loving sacrifice.

I watched you grow, even when they took you all away. Praying to get you back home to me, one day.

Then they system took my boy again, and still I don’t understand. Praying for my son to return; But I get this unknown…. (no disrespect), someone pretending to be a man.

No matter your walk, just know it’s for you and you alone. I love you son, I’m just still waiting for you to come home.

So do me a favor. Lil Homie. Lower case G. Please tell my son, that I’m still waiting on his release.

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It’s My Birthday

Today is my birthday and I turned 44 years young. I’d never thought that I would live to see this day. I mean I was counted out since I was a preteen… 13 to be exact. All because I was an out of wed-lock young mother. I had my first born that passed away less than a week later, automatically made me an HIV carrying crack head. Of course it’s not true. I mean having HIV and a crack head for 30 years, on top of having two types of Lupus & Sjogren Disease. I should very sick and or near death, with treatment. I’m just saying… I am very Humble & Grateful that I’m here to live to see 44.

Blessed……

I CAN Be…

I can be your Bestfriend or Worst ENEMY…

Don’t come around me, Knowing you’re my frien-emeny.

I’m a True Cancer…. Yes, that’s a Crab… But when these Claws come out, I’m BOUT to get in that ass.

I’m also laid back, Calm, Cool, & Collected…

Get stupid WEAKEST Link, & you will be REJECTED.

I’m a Lover, & Fighter…. For my family, ” Finish Them”, You Will hear without the Chit Chatter.

Proud Mom

Have ever just sat back and said to yourself, “I’m so proud of my children”. That is just how I feel. My children have been through a tremendous ordeal in their young lives, and now that they are fully grown, I just smile. They have overcome the statics in the world. I have a beautiful family. Grandchildren and all, I am so proud. I’m a black Queen Mother, that knows just what the world should have, could have, and did to them. Levels of life that they should have, or as I did, give up on. Yes I have one son that was incarcerated, and two college educated children. Some ask, how did that happen. It just happen. It’s not about how or why he was incarcerated, it’s about what he did afterward. Yes his siblings and I supported him all the way, and we still support each other. No I’m not speaking on just monetary, we support each other in all aspects of life. These three in particular, have over come more odds than you can imagine. My oldest being 27, has over come teenage pregnancy, different baby daddies, and being dependent upon welfare. She is currently about to begin another college semester, this time she is studying to be a Social Worker. My first born son, 26 years old, is about to get his GED and go to college as well. My baby boy, 25 years old, is going back to college, after being a Corrections officer, to being in the National Guard. They all have had children while doing so. So as you can see, I am a proud Mom. I love my grown children and my grandbabies. PROUD MOM I am….

Latoya

I am a Beautiful Queen… I am a very Unique Being. I never try to be as others are… I’m a person whose mind goes far. I am as different, as different can get… I am a Queen that Nobody will ever forget. I have health issues… I have mental problems too. I can be your Bestfriend, or I can be your enemy. But being my enemy is NOT where you want me to be. I know I’m a Lovable person, As I love hard as well… But this is my Poem to tell. This is just a quick poem I’m writing…. That keeps me from Fighting.

Lupus & and Sjogrens Disease

This time I coming a little different then I did the last time. I’m going to discuss a little about both of these diseases. They resemble a lot, but they do have their differences.

Yes of course I’m going to talk about myself. I can’t talk about anyone, I can ONLY speak for me, myself and I.

Before I begin, I need to stress just how frustrating this is to have to deal with. Especially for people that actually have zero of a clue of what people as myself, have to go through on a daily agonizing day. Everyday is a different day. We have to just learn to go with flow of things.

As I said before, everyday is different. Just as today, I had an alright day. Other than my left hand going numb as usual, it was good. Yes I said usual. As I continue to talk about my issues with both of these disases, I will speak as into continuously.

There are plenty of days where I constantly in fear of what the next day may hold for me. My days for me from one day to the next. If my monthly cycle comes, it’s over. It feels as though sometime that I’m about to die. Then on a regular day, I have to deal dry eyes, dry mouth with mouth sores, as well as the spasms, nerve, and or joint pay. I’d say that I have about maybe one good week out of an entire month. Can someone please tell me, what job will hire me. I’m not so sure what it is I can do. Yes I have a primary care doctor. Yes I’m on medication. I was prescribed meloxicam as well as cymbalta. I also take the all so knowing prednisone. Hey I’m still here. At least I can definitely say that.

You know, the worst thing I saw another person that had lupus, yes past tense. She passed away. The lady was in a fetal position most days, because her joints was stuck in lock up mode, as I say, for just about the last three months of her life. It was the first time I even ever heard of lupus. I Never in my heard of sjogrens, until I was diagnosed with it. I’m not sure how to explain anymore of exactly how painful these diseases are. It maybe a little repetitive sounding as I talk about the pain, but it’s not like I can say anything nice about it. Or you may want to know about other body changes like pimples at 44 years of age. Or what they call the butter rash, what doctors see in the Caucasian world. It affects Black women differently than the lighter skin people in the world.

If anyone is still interested in lupus and or sjogrens, please feel free to leave a comment.

Lupus

I’m not sure of how many people that actually has knowledge of this disease. How much “actual” FACTS you think you have? Do You know full knowledge of how much PHYSICAL stress that our bodies are put through. I’ll break it down for you all a little.

A typical day for me is either a day of vomiting, pain from nerve spasms, all over my entire body. I went from 306 pounds to 110, if that now, because I can’t eat most days. Before you cheer my weight loss, try not being able to eat, even if you wanted to. Then when you do, in return, you get to vomit it all up, as if you were bulimic. No offense to anyone that is suffering from bulimia, or that wants to be extra small. As for me, NOOO way. Thank You, No thanks.

This isn’t a feel for me, or I’m need of symphony blog. It’s an awareness type blog. Books cannot tell you how I feel with lupus. Nobody can dictate someone else ability to know what or how they are feeling or going to feel based on a book one may read alone. To be totally honest, some doctors still don’t have a clue what “WE”, as a Lupus, Sjogren’s, Fibromyalgia, or RT Arthritis patient Really goes through on a DAILY.

Some people maybe asking why haven’t I applied for SSI/Disability. I have about five different times, with half truths and whole lies being told by Social Security Administration and judges themselves. I know from raw uncut experience. Sad but so true. When I get my period, it becomes a HORROR story and I feel as though I’m going to die, from a week and a half of excruciating pain. NO, not regular cramps. Try in labor with the contractions being 1 minute apart. YES I’m hospitalized every single month due to the pain. The ER knows me by name, and I have a special pain cocktail. I thought that was quite funny just to mention, but I am so serious.

This is the part where it gets really interesting…. I go through the necessary channels to get a SSI/Social Security Disability once again. I hired a Law Firm to help me as such. Before the attorney was hired, I was at the moment of receiving medical care and medical attention. Not just medical care from my original Physician, I also was seeing physicians that Social Security sent me too for their information. r I fell into hard times of being homeless, to the Covid-19 pandemic, we, my husband and I, we lost everything. I was still able to go to the ER, because I lost my medical insurance. I was denied in open court, ” ZOOM”. Even though they had the Florida Rehabilitation Representative, to score me out of their own law abiding system of points to “LEGALLY” say I qualify to receive SSI/Social Security Disability, but a Judge to say, because he read in a “BOOK”, that I am educated and young enough to find something. Never ONCE did the Judge READ any of my medical history, from my regular health care provider, ER, and ALL the DOCTORS that SSA sent me to themselves.

To All of you that took the time to READ my Blog, I REALLY APRRECIATE You. The thought that someone cares enough for some that maybe going through this same unpleasant ordeal, or you maybe experiencing something such as or just as this. My heart goes out to you and or yours. Send me an email or leave a comment so that we can connect. Thanks All…. Peace & Blessings to you.

Just Thinking

I was just sitting here, thinking about how, just how much things have changed.

From whatever you want to call the past 4 years of president, to what we now know as Covid-19/Coronavirus. Not to even mention the senseless killings of people, by what are supposed to be here to serve and protect, asshole police.

Yeah, I know you thought I was going to say just brown and black people. No I’m not ignorant. These butt wipes, of law enforcement, doesn’t care what color you are. They only know, that we come from low income neighbor hoods. Its just most of the people being MURDERED Are brown and black people.

No, I’m not trying to start any unneeded mess, but the title is called ” Just Thinking”.